An Open Letter to the Unicode Consortium
Where the Flock is the Flamingo Emoji?
On this day, the first day after The Year of the Dumpster Fire, a year when you thought it’d be swell to stick a literal clown emoji right in the %$#&! middle of the normal emoji faces, we have gathered here to humbly call wtflock on your shenanigans.
With the current keyboard, we can travel by land, air, sea, satellite, manual scooter, motor scooter, and carousel horse. We can emote the exact phase of the moon, the precise weather and fall foliage conditions, and, critically, each stage of a volcano’s eruption. Our kids will know that before Alexa, Dropbox, and Google Maps, there were kitchen timers, floppy disks, and paper maps.
We can describe our brunch adventures, from bottomless mimosa to organic farm-to-table veggie hash, with devastating accuracy.
Of the 86 animal emojis, there are five different monkeys, one Harambe (RIP), eight rodents, two types of camels, an octopus and a squid (what a relief!), along with separate representations for a piggy face and a piggy snout.
We give credit where credit is due, and we’re grateful for the better-late-than-never additions of the taco, unicorn, rainbow, and whiskey neat. Admittedly, the face palm would’ve been helpful to have before the acknowledgment that we might want to be something other than a bride or a Playboy bunny when we grow up.
And yet, the freedom to flamingle eludes us.
A day may come when the creativity of women fails; when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of flamingoship.
But it is not this day.
We have had it with the lack of motherflockin’ flamingo emojis on this motherflockin’ keyboard.
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